How to Heal Overwhelm

So it's nearly the end of November and my creative plans have derailed a bit. It's been an Autumn for the books, with a lot of grief to process, and change, and deep intense inner journeys and prayers. But we're ok. I'm having to regroup a bit, but I'm finding out the secret ways of God.

Did you know that when you face hard things, like really really hard things, grace is given to you the moment you actually step out in faith? The grace you need for the *thing* is not given before you embark on the *thing* because you don't actually need it yet. I had it all backward before. I thought it was like storing up for winter. But it's not, because it never runs out. It's supplied beautifully on time, in the exact necessary moment. 

In our frail human state we want to be all prepared and stocked up and ready. And in some ways, we can. But the truly lifegiving things, the saving and healing things, like grace…they are provided as you go. Like a light for your path. You don't need ALL the light for the whole entire path before you even start. You carry your lantern and you take a step. And the light is always there, and it always goes before you showing you the next step. You don't need the light for a hundred steps from now. You'll have it when you get there.

I am relieved about this. Because you want to know the truth?
Today, I’m tired of writing.

I’m tired of making little graphics to post on things when I write something new. I’m tired of optimizing images for the web. 

But I need to, so the blog formats ok.

I don’t know what is next.

I made a cake for Thanksgiving. It got rave reviews. But it looked nothing like how it was supposed to. And I wanted to apologize to everyone because it didn’t turn out like the picture. But no one had seen it, so how would they know? Still. I feel like I let everyone down.

I’ve gotten new subscribers lately. I should say re-subscribers. I want to tell them, I’m still the same person you unsubscribed from. 

I shouldn’t post this.

I keep censoring myself.

Autumn was really hard, ya’ll. My Texan never comes out, so this means something.

Wait, it’s still Autumn. Sigh.

My bedroom window is open. It’s a perfect balmy night and someone out there is smoking. Ugh.

I need to go lower. You can’t fall when you’re already on the ground.

I’m torn between being “real” and being “professional.” It’s not the same. I’m sorry. It’s just not. So then I ask myself, which do I want to be? What does professional mean? Is it something I feel I owe as a creative entrepreneur in exchange for goods and services? Where did I get the “idea” that professional people can’t be “real?” What is this mess? What do I sacrifice by being “professional” and what do I sacrifice by being “real?” And which of it all is actually true?

I’m tired of everything.

No, I think I’m just tired.

What am I not saying?

That is a terrifying question.

What I’m not saying is that I’m lonely.

Today, I wrote this. I wrote it for both of us:

How to Heal Overwhelm:

Start where you are
With what you have
With what you know.

And grace will be there.

Like the light.